Monday, February 6, 2012

Perihal Awal Februari

Ok so here it goes. February was supposed to be a happy month for me. Why ? Cause by that time, all of the assignments required by IBO has been submitted. Yes, you name it, ToK essay, Extended Essay, Internal Assessment, Lab Reports and all those sort of things. It should be the beginning for me to revise back the syllabus for the previous semesters. And guess what, IB Final Exam is just around the corner. MAY. Just 90 days and below left. The FINAL exam. The exam that will determined whether me and my friends would either "fly" or not (nauzubillah).

Anyway, back to what I'm supposed to be writing. Perihal Awal Februari.
3 February 2012
3rd February was the college Academic Day. Sort of like Hari Jumpa Ibu-bapa lah if to be compared with sekolah menengah. Anyway, Academic Day boleh la dikira sebagai cuti jugak sebab not all of the students are required to go to class coz there ain't any class pun that day. Semua kelas kunci and the only thing yg bukak is the library if I'm not mistaken. Ok, so, bangun2 pagi je, bukak fb and twitter, tetibe terbaca wall post IUMC punye page ckp medic student kmb can check the interview outcome with the counsellor. Duppp. Habis darah menyirap satu badan ni. Jantung mula la berdegup kencang x henti2. Perasaan pun jadi tak tenang. Gerak sana-sini tak berhenti-henti. Ye la kan, siapa tak cuak kalau result placement dah nk keluar dalam masa beberapa jam je lagi.

Tepat jam 5.17 petang, aku refresh email kat Yahoo group ni and terkejut tgk result dh keluar. ade 2 email. satu email list name mereka yg berjaya and 1 lg email was for those who didn't got the offer. So, dengan lafaz bismillah, aku pun pergi la ke ruang tamu rumah dekat ngan papa and slowly tekan butang 'open mail'. Then, slowly la scroll kt list tuh untuk cari nama. keep on scrolling and scrolling and scrolling smpai la kt list nama waiting list. my reaction ? sedih. sedih sbb nama xde dalam list tuh. siap check email tu smpai 5 kali. reading each and every name untuk check kalau2 nama ade terselit dalam list tuh ke. but still, i was to no avail. x berjaya la nmpknya. x dpt offer IUMC :'(  Perasaan time tuh ? of coz la sedih. siapa x sedih kalau x dpt offer. Even time tuh papa pun dh prasan perubahan muka ni. then dgn beraninya, aku ni pun btao la papa and mama yg result IUMC dh kluar and I told them  I didn't make it. time tu x sanggup nk tgk muka dierang. sedih and kecewa.

Runsing, risau, gelisah, takut, malu, semua perasaan2 negatif wujud waktu tu. RUNSING. tu je perasaan yang asyik bermain-main di fikiran ni. Risau dengan future. risau dengan placement yang mmg uncertain.

But at the same time, I'm proud. Proud of my friends. Proud of them for getting IUMC. Great job. You guys are the best and definitely deserve it. But please remember, do pray for your friends yang x senasib dengan anda. And pray that they will be given another chance and get another offer.

Yesterday (4th February) was my sis engagement reception and with my unstable emotion at that time, I could not function properly. I'm afraid. Frankly speaking, I'm scared. Scared because lots of people are coming, and the same old question I was bombarded with "Bila fly ?", "Dapat negara mana ?", "Hows the interview that day ?". Crius man, dengan result yang menyedihkan baru kluar semalam, what do you expect me to say ? So my solution was to say "tak tahu lagi. kena tunggu result final exam baru tahu". I guess that was my only safe answer that I could ever think off at the moment.

Tak usah memerihalkan pasal menangis. Memang lumrah manusia kalau sedih and frust, mesti nangis. Dh berbaldi-baldi (hiperbola) menangis sampai mata pun dah kering x mampu nangis. Tapi bila fikir-fikir balik, tak guna tangisi perkara yang dah berlalu. Tambah lagi dengan dpt sms from friends suruh kuatkan semangat, sabar and all that stuff. I do admit, those words really do help. But this feeling of frust and sedih still ada. ntah la. aku pun jd clueless.

Reflection time. Mungkin setelah berhari-hari memikirkan ni, I questioned myself. Maybe Allah has a better plan for me. Mungkin ini ujian Allah kepada aku. Mungkin aku terlalu leka dengan duniawi sehingga mengabaikan tanggungjawab aku sebagai khalifah di muka bumi in. Munkin terlalu banyak berfoya-foya. And come to think of it, I did. Terlalu fikirkan hal duniawi smpai diri pun semakin jauh dengan Allah. Mungkin Allah berikan ujian ni sebagai peringatan kepada aku and Alhamdulillah, I finally realize. Mungkin sebelum ni byk sgt memerihalkan perihal org laen. Melihat keburukan lebih dari kebaikan. Insyaallah, I'll try my best to change. To become a better person. To become a person who respect people regardless of their status and most importantly, to be a better Muslim.

Finally, after having sleepless night and uncountable nightmares, I've finally decide untuk hilangkan semua perasaan2 negatif ni. It may take some time, but i'll try my best to remove it. So, dear friends, do help me aite and pray the best for all of us. Alhamdulillah kerana Allah telah pilih hamba yang lemah ini untuk diuji dengan ujian ni. Sesungguhnya, perasaan diuji ni memanglah sukar untuk ditangani tp I believe, dugaan2 inilah yang mematangkan kita dan buat kita lebih sayang kepada Allah.

I guess thats all for this post. Remember, never lose hope in Allah cause He's the one who knows the best for us. Dengan itu, I would like to end this entry with a petikan from Surah Al-Baqarah :
"Allah tidak memberati seseorang melainkan apa yang terdaya olehnya"

Ingatlah, jangan kita terlalu leka dengan hal duniawi smpaikan lupakan hal agama. Just a friendly reminder to myself and also others.

Selamat Tinggal IUMC, kalau ada jodoh bertemu lagi............


4 comments:

Anonymous said...

salam azfar...
i'm glad to know that u have started to move on...
it's true, semue bende yg terjadi ad hikmah and sometimes this is the way how Allah talks to us for us to repent and seek for His blessings and forgiveness..
insyaAllah, after this tarbiyah, we'll become a better Muslim, a much beautiful butterfly (referring to ur previous post)..
if u need somebody to talk to, i will listen, insyaAllah..
but remember, the best listener is Him..
Al-baqarah:269 &155
ali 'imran:139

afar said...

salam anonymous.
thx for the thoughts. appreciate it
boleh tahu ke siapa diri anda sebenar ? hehe. anyway, thx for sharing.
insyaallah i'll try my best to move on.

Mikhail M. said...

stay strong bro :)

sakinah said...

hebat nye kau azfar! sumpah proud of you :) lama tak dgr cerita. All the best for this coming exam. I'm sure u'll do ur best. May Allah ease :)