Luahan March

Alright, sebelum apa-apa dulu, lets see the definition for these words first.

Tension [ten –sh uh n] = mental or emotional strain; intense, suppressed
Stress [stres] = physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension

Ok, actually, the main reason I wrote this post was because I can’t stand it anymore. Yes, its all about stress and tensions. Probably you’ve heard the word before and most probably you’ve encountered it before. IB exam is just around the corner with less than 40 days left and I’m in a state of unstable emotion. Terlalu banyak memikirkan perkara-perkara lain makes me mad. Mad as in crazyy. Factors ? Of course la pasal study, peer pressure, surrounding, IRP, and lots more including placement. I may find it difficult to handle all of these problems especially when I feel that I’m all alone. Yes, its true. I do feel alone. Having to stay in a single room with no roomate, I feel that I have no one to talk to. There may be some people which I can talk to, but still, I dont feel comfortable to burden them with my problems. Enough with the IB sylabus, inikan pulak nk kisah pasal masalah orang lain pulak kan. Hence, i’ve decided to just keep it to myself and only to write a post cause by doing this, my blog is the only place where I can luahkan my whole perasaan. But whatever it is, religion comes first and I always do my obligation towards Islam. At times like this, no, at everytime, Allah is the only one that you can rely on and berdoa to.

But, come to think of it, I’ve developed myself to become a more optimistic person. Kadang-kadang, pernah jugak terfikir, Allah bagi ujian ni supaya kita lebih mendekati diri kita kepada dia. And also, nak buktikan yang kehidupan ini bukan selalunya berada di atas je. Kadang-kadang, bila kita rasa diri kita ni lemah sangat, Allah bagi kita peluang untuk lebih beribadah untuk dapat ketenangan jiwa. So, at the end of the day, ada jugak hikmah terjadinya perkara-perkara ini. Besides, it helps me a lot so that I can improve myself in the future.

Anyway, I know I had made a big mistake. Macam2 silap la. Biasa la, manusia mana yang tak buat silap. But, kita kene ingat, from kesilapan kita ni kita akan belajar. I know there are certain people who terasa with me. I know that certain people xnak tegur dah aku. Taknak rapat macam dulu dah. And taknak buat aktiviti bersama-sama macam dulu dah. Aku tahu. Tapi, kenapa susahkan diri untuk puaskan hati orang lain sedangkan hati sendiri pun susah nak puaskan. Jadi, apa nak jadi, jadi la. I let it go and there are better things that I can do. Just promise me one thing, tolong jangan lupakan aku when we are no longer seeing each other’s face in college. Selain itu, I’m also stressed with IRP. Yes, Intensive Revision Program. Stress sebab apa ? Stress coz I feel that I’m really lost. Tengok grup2 lain macam rajin gila study, buat notes sana sini, buat discussion malam2. My group members mmg rajin, pandai and mmg mantap habis la, but me ? I feel very useless. Unable to adapt with ‘study berkumpulan’. I have to admit, I’m a type of person yang kurang gemar study secara berkumpulan. Bukan apa, cause for me, I like to study by myself and then baru la boleh bincang2 dalam kumpulan bila dah abes baca semua. Anyway, I’ll try my best to participate fully in IRP. I just hope that all the struggle and usaha ni berbaloi in the end. And, aku pun stress tgk grup2 lain buat discussion malam2. Huhu.

Its true what people say, that as you grew older, the more difficulties that you’re gonna face in life. and lebih banyak jenis2 manusia yang kita akan jumpa. I have to say, that life in primary school, high school and college are totally different. At primary school, there are no stress. Just kids playing kejar2 during rehat and at class, study biase2 je. No stress. As we move on, in high school, specifically upper form, I was exposed with the term ‘stress’. Yes, stress dengan SPM. But thats all, nothing more. Then in college, the tension builds up. Stress with peer pressure, stress with study, stress with everything la. I just cant imagine how things are gonna be in the future. Anyway, I did mention that as we grew older, we’ll encounter different types of people. Berdasarkan pemerhatian aku bila waktu-waktu exam dah dekat, we’ll know who our friends are. And we’ll also know the type of people around us. Aku bukan tujukan kepada sesiapa, tp at times like this la aku jumpa macam2 bentuk orang. Ada orang yang suka simpan ilmu untuk dirinya sendiri, ada orang yang buat nota diam2 and taknak share, ada orang yang x kisah pasal sape2 pun, ada orang yang memilih specific people je untuk buat kawan, ada orang yang lupakan kawan lama bila dah dapat kawan baru, ada orang yang rajin and suka tolong kawan2 dia bila susah, ada orang yang depan cakap lain, belakang cakap lain. Ada jugak orang yang dalam diam2 membenci orang lain, ada orang yang sanggup menipu untuk kepentingan diri sendiri, ada orang yang suka buat sesuatu x ajak tp bila duduk depan2 dok cerita pasal benda yang dia buat. Ada orang yang suka diskriminasi orang lain. Senang cerita, macam2 orang la yang ada di dunia ini. Anda yang mana ? haha. Siapa makan cili, dialah yang terasa pedasnya.

I guess that is all for now. I just hope that I can be on the track again and gain motivation & inspiration. I need support from my friend, but i cant seem to find one. I need someone to talk to. Someone who can really understand. Someone who’s willing to become your friend for what you are truly are. Till now, I cant seem to find here in the college. Dont get me wrong. My friends here at college are superb and fun, but, as I said before, I’m still searching for the right one. May Allah guide me through my rough time and provide me a correct path that I can follow. Semoga terbuka hati aku ini untuk kembali seperti keadaan sedia kala.

-nukilan malam pertama IRP-