It's Never Too Late

      I guess the title speaks it all. Its never to late to finally say that I'M FINISHED WITH INTERNATIONAL BACCALAUREATE !!!!! yes. done with the most torturing preparatory program ever. 2 years filled with bittersweet memory. and finally, on the 23rd May 2012, its time to say goodbye to KMB. Nevertheless, being an IB student had taught me a lot. Not just in terms of academic but also in terms of social responsibility and what it means to be a soon-to-be adult. Haha. Anyway, I'll talk about all these stuff later in the next post. I'm sure I have plenty of time to start blogging again since its a 4 month holiday without any homeworks nor assignments. But the most important thing that I'm gonna miss about KMB is the people there. My friends, my colleagues, my classmates, my teachers, my blockmates and everyone la including akak fotostat and makcik koop pagi2. So, below are some of the pics that I managed to snap before leaving KMB. It sure does bring back memories to me. Enjoy !

The room just before clearance

Captured right after the last paper

Dah clearance. Sedih pulak tgk gambar ni

Blok A

Xde bende dah nak letak. This was taken on the last day (23/5/2012)

Food, Emotion, Love, Hope and everything else

Assalamualaikum. The title says it all. Yes, last week was one hell of a week. A week full of FOODS, EMOTIONS running up and down, LOVE in which can be interpreted in sooo many different ways and everything else which includes goodbyes and academic matter. In conjunction with the upcoming IB exam in May 2012, I would like to write this post fully in english to prepare myself for English B Paper 2. So, do mind that this is a learning process and please dont mock nor criticize my writing. I am still learning.

So here it goes. The first one is FOOD. Last week was probably the last session of IRP for HL subjects and since its the last, its quite emotional. But again, the good part is that we received foods from the teachers from each subjects department. And again, I would like to thank all the teachers for those wonderful, cute and scrumptious foods. Every food is unique in their own way and I do admit, foods that were given by the teachers with a sprinkle of blessing really do taste nice. And even the IRP committee and Koop gave us foods that really challenge my tastebud. English unit gave us cupcakes with our name written on it, Math department gave us little polka dots muffin, Economics unit gave cupcakes with fillings, Biology gave us Nasi Lemak and Chemistry unit gave blueberry cheese tart which were super-duper creamy and nice. Koop gave us Sate and IRP committee gave us Wall’s Cornetto. So there you have it, a list of foods that the year 2 student received for this week. I’m pretty sure most of us gain weight this week. And Malay unit is going give theirs on this upcoming Monday. And not to forget my mentor, Pn Asima, treat us with chicken chop for our last meeting. It was a sad moment actually and I’m truly grateful for having such an awesome mentor. Alhamdulillah for everything. Hope with the blessings, we can do well in our exams. Ameen. So that concludes the FOOD part.

Moving on, next is emotion. Yes, like what we learnt in ToK classes, emotion is one of the ways of knowing. But knowing what ? Well in this case, I would rather say that emotion is a way for you to know yourself better and others. Why am I saying this ? Particularly, since this week was sort of like the last week being in the LT and having IRP sessions with the teachers, I kinda feel sad and nostalgic. Especially when the time for each session ends and the teachers goes in front to give a word or two. It was truly a sad moment for me. Hearing all those advices and their hopes to see all of us finish IB with flying colours really makes me ponder. And apart from that, due to the aftermath of these sad and nostalgic feelings, my emotions suddenly fluctuates. There were times when I feel super duper happy and there were time when I feel super duper down. But most of the time, I feel very frustrated. Why ? Because things were changing really QUICKLY. People change. Even the one closest to you change dramatically and the saddest part is that when you feel that you are left out in a situation. Again, I feel frustrated. In other words, ‘sakit hati’. But thats all I can. I cant say too much.

LOVE. What does love means to you ? For me, love can be defined as a set feelings that you have when you care towards a person. It doesn’t mean that when you love someone, you have to marry them. Again, when I said I love someone, it means I care for them. So basically, I love all of my friends. So what does love have to do with this week ? Actually, I just wanted to say that as IB is coming to an end, that love feeling towards your teachers and friends really had impacted my life. As the end is nearer, I hope that everyone stays the same.

Hopes. Everyone has their hopes and dreams. During the last mentor-mentee session, Mdm Asima did mention her hopes and expectations towards us. She said that “No matter where you are or what you’re results are, just remember that I am always proud of you guys. Make full use of the knowledge and do well in your exam. I really do want to see all of you going up the stage and achieve the high achievers award during graduation day soon. I really do”. Wow. Those are really high hopes. But dont worry teacher, I’ll try my best to achieve it. The same goes to other members of the mentor-mentee. Hafeez,Fasu,Keon,Kirin,Juju,Ram,Ros,Zul. Hope all of us get to be on the stage and make our family and teachers proud. Hopefully. I know we can do it. Insyaallah. Remember, everything is possible when you believe.

Everything else. Nothing. Just busy with revising the subjects and at the same time busy preparing stuffs for my sis wedding. Hopefully everything goes well and smoothly according to plan. I guess that is all for now. Happy reading and enjoy your day.

            Here are some of the pictures of foods that I received which I managed to snap before ravishing them. Haha. Assalamualaikum.

English Department Cupcakes with our name written on it

Math Department cute little polka dots muffins

Koop's Sate

Chem Unit super duper creamy cheese tart

Wishes from Chem teachers

Cheese tart by IRP Committee

Chicken Chop. Treated by our beloved mentor, Mdm Asima

Final message to you, Mentor

Probably the last picture of English IRP Session

 p/s : Just a friendly notice. To the particular person/s, i just wanted to say that I am not mad at you. The reason I was being so untalkative to you was because I wanted to protect myself. Protect myself from feeling things that I shoudnt feel. And for that, I am distancing myself from you and you and you and the list goes on. But i guess you know who you are. I just wanted to say that no matter what, we'll still be friends. But its not the same as it used to be. I'm trying my best to be the 'old' me but this feeling keeps pushing me to become a whole different person when I encounter you and you. So please, dont feel sad or disheartened by my actions. Just focus on ur study and please forget me. There's a reason behind all of these and when the time comes, I tell you and you the whole story. But for the time being, I'm distancing myself so that I can gain inner peace. Remember, things will always be the same, except without me around. Sorry for the inconvenience cause and hope everyone is in the state of happiness. Now you're just somebody that I used to know. I just wish ................


Currently playing = Somebody That I Used To Know (Gotye & Kimbra) and (Glee Version)

Pengakhiran Sebuah Bab

Assalamualaikum/Selamat pagi/Selamat petang semua.

        Okay,let me start off by saying Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah syukur kepada Allah kerana ujian dan nikmat yang diberikan. Humans are not perfect. Everyone has their own weaknesses and strength. But, what matters the most is giving your heart and soul to the Almighty Creator. Anyway, back to the story, what I wanted to write in this post is actually regarding nikmat dan ujian.

           Ingt tak entry aku yang dulu-dulu tuh ? Regarding placement, IUMC and stuff. Kalau tak ingt, scroll la di bawah ye untuk mencarinya atau click di sini. Anyway, this week has been such a blissful week for me. Well, a lot of things had happen actually. Be it bad or good, life will continue to go on. But again, I’m feeling grateful for everything. It all started on Monday, 9 April 2012. During that time, most of the students were quite busy memorizing the gaya bahasa needed to answer Malay Paper 1 for the mock exam. At the same time, I was busy gossiping with my buddies till someone shouted that the interview results for RCSI dah kluar and boleh tengok kat yahoo group. lub dub lub dub lub dub. Cepat-cepat jantung ni berdegup kencang (macam caller ringtone Fasu) and darah pun dah menyirap satu badan. Ye la kan, baru seminggu lebih attend interview and result pun dah kuar. At first macam cuak but then I’ve decided to go to the toilet first nak menenangkan hati. Mana tahu bila tgk result nanti terkencing @ terkincit ke kan. So better sediakan payung sebelum hujan. Anyway, after that, I quickly came out of the toilet and nampak Zaki dah terloncat-loncat kegembiraan. By that time I knew he got the offer and aku pun tumpang gembira. Lagi la bertambah kerunsingan di jiwa ni. At the same time, certain people were checking the results at one of the student punya Blackberry phone. So dengan jiwa yang tabah, aku pun melangkah ke tempat tu and check my name. Scroll and scroll and keep scrolling until tetiba ternampak nama aku. Fuh. Punya la terkejut and rasa macam nak pengsan but again still mampu mengawal perasaan. So at the end of the day,Alhamdulillah syukur kepada Allah kerana akhirnya dapat juga placement offer after several fail attempts. I got the offer to RCSI Dublin for 5 year course.

         Anyway,thats not the main thing that I want to talk about. The main thing is the value that I learnt throughout the journey of getting a placement. As I said before,life is not easy and we cant always be on the top or bottom everytime. There are times when you feel down and there are times when you feel happy. But in the end, you’ll get through it. Again, I would like to highlight these points :

First

           Tak semua benda yang kita rasa bagus untuk kita adalah baik dan tak semua benda yang kita rasa tak bagus adalah buruk untuk kita. This is based on one of the surah in the Holy Al-Quran : 

“... tetapi boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu, padahal itu baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia tidak baik bagimu. Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui. “ [2:216]. 

So get the point ? Ingtlah, tak semua benda yang kita ingt bagus untuk kita adalah yang terbaik untuk kita. Sesungguhnya Allah itu Maha Mengetahui jadi janganlah putus harapan dengan-Nya. Contoh ? Okay, aku ambil contoh perihal IUMC. At first, masa x dapat IUMC tu memang la frust menonggeng sebab at that time, IUMC je peluang yang ada coz aku x dpt PMC and AUCMS punya interview. So bila x dapat tuh, mula la risau sepanjang masa sebab xde placement offer. But, I got friends. Supportive friends. And most of them bagi nasihat. And the most touching punya nasihat is when a friend of mine said “percayalah pada takdir Allah. Insyaallah ada hikmah di sebalik semua ni. Jangan  risau and teruskanlah berdoa kepada Allah. JANGAN PUTUS ASA”. Wow. Memang mesej ni sampai habis la. Then starting from that moment, I began to forget about IUMC. Tapi luka tuh masih ada. Then diberi peluang pula untuk interview RCSI and alhamdulillah dapat offer. See ? thats where the “ada hikmah di sebalik semua ini” comes in. So,ingtlah, kita usaha sebaik mungkin and jangan berhenti berdoa kepada Tuhan kerana Tuhan itu Maha Mengetahui yang terbaik untuk kita. Again, I’m grateful to Allah kerana diberi peluang untuk melalui ujian ini. Besides, going to RCSI has been one of my childhood dreams. Insyaallah.

Second

           Nikmat itu sebenarnya satu ujian. Dan janganlah leka dengan nikmat yang diberi. This is also based on of the surah in one of theQuran which is 

“...Sesungguhnya aku diberi nikmat ini hanyalah kerana kepintaranku. Sebenarnya, itu adalah ujian, tetapi kebanyakan mereka tidak mengetahui” [39:49].

So what does this ayat is trying to explain ? Well, to quote from a friend of mine, he said that what the ayat is trying to explain is that  certain people in this world menganggap kejayaan yang dicapai itu adalah berdasarkan usaha yang dilakukan oleh seseorang itu SAHAJA. Actually, kita semua kene ingt yang kita ni hamba Allah, jadi semua perkara yang terjadi kpd kita datangnya dari Allah. Jadi janganlah bangga atau bongkak dengan mengatakan kejayaan atau nikmat yang kita dapat tuh datang daripada kita.Memang betul yang kita usaha, tapi kene ingt, Tuhan yang tentukan segala-galanya. Jadi, anggaplah nikmat itu sebagai satu ujian untuk menguji keimanan dan ketaatan kita kepada Allah. Jadi, I just hope with the good news that I’ve just received, I wont be lalai and leka and anggap ia sebagai satu cabaran dan ujian dari Allah.

          Okay,done with the reflection part. I would also like to acknowledge all of myfriends who had been very supportive through thick and thin. I admit, KMB really produces intelligent and caring people. and for that, I am grateful for being given a chance to study here at KMB and meet these awesome people. I now have the spirit to carry on again and Alhamdullilah, I feel more motivated. No more stress2 pasal placement or anything. Now I can fully focus and concentrate on the upcoming IB exam which is less than a month away. Hopefully everything goes well and all of the year 2 KMBians dapat fly. I guess that is all for this entry. With that, maka berakhirlah sebuah epilog yang duka dan lara yang digantikan dengan semangat yang baru. Assalamualaikum. Here are some pictures that I put to keep me motivated. Enjoy. Hopefully this will be my future university. Doa-doakanlah kami ye :) And a friendly reminder to everyone including me, 'anything is possible when you believe'. Sekian.

Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland

Dublin City at night

RCSI building

Luahan March

Alright, sebelum apa-apa dulu, lets see the definition for these words first.

Tension [ten –sh uh n] = mental or emotional strain; intense, suppressed
Stress [stres] = physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension

Ok, actually, the main reason I wrote this post was because I can’t stand it anymore. Yes, its all about stress and tensions. Probably you’ve heard the word before and most probably you’ve encountered it before. IB exam is just around the corner with less than 40 days left and I’m in a state of unstable emotion. Terlalu banyak memikirkan perkara-perkara lain makes me mad. Mad as in crazyy. Factors ? Of course la pasal study, peer pressure, surrounding, IRP, and lots more including placement. I may find it difficult to handle all of these problems especially when I feel that I’m all alone. Yes, its true. I do feel alone. Having to stay in a single room with no roomate, I feel that I have no one to talk to. There may be some people which I can talk to, but still, I dont feel comfortable to burden them with my problems. Enough with the IB sylabus, inikan pulak nk kisah pasal masalah orang lain pulak kan. Hence, i’ve decided to just keep it to myself and only to write a post cause by doing this, my blog is the only place where I can luahkan my whole perasaan. But whatever it is, religion comes first and I always do my obligation towards Islam. At times like this, no, at everytime, Allah is the only one that you can rely on and berdoa to.

But, come to think of it, I’ve developed myself to become a more optimistic person. Kadang-kadang, pernah jugak terfikir, Allah bagi ujian ni supaya kita lebih mendekati diri kita kepada dia. And also, nak buktikan yang kehidupan ini bukan selalunya berada di atas je. Kadang-kadang, bila kita rasa diri kita ni lemah sangat, Allah bagi kita peluang untuk lebih beribadah untuk dapat ketenangan jiwa. So, at the end of the day, ada jugak hikmah terjadinya perkara-perkara ini. Besides, it helps me a lot so that I can improve myself in the future.

Anyway, I know I had made a big mistake. Macam2 silap la. Biasa la, manusia mana yang tak buat silap. But, kita kene ingat, from kesilapan kita ni kita akan belajar. I know there are certain people who terasa with me. I know that certain people xnak tegur dah aku. Taknak rapat macam dulu dah. And taknak buat aktiviti bersama-sama macam dulu dah. Aku tahu. Tapi, kenapa susahkan diri untuk puaskan hati orang lain sedangkan hati sendiri pun susah nak puaskan. Jadi, apa nak jadi, jadi la. I let it go and there are better things that I can do. Just promise me one thing, tolong jangan lupakan aku when we are no longer seeing each other’s face in college. Selain itu, I’m also stressed with IRP. Yes, Intensive Revision Program. Stress sebab apa ? Stress coz I feel that I’m really lost. Tengok grup2 lain macam rajin gila study, buat notes sana sini, buat discussion malam2. My group members mmg rajin, pandai and mmg mantap habis la, but me ? I feel very useless. Unable to adapt with ‘study berkumpulan’. I have to admit, I’m a type of person yang kurang gemar study secara berkumpulan. Bukan apa, cause for me, I like to study by myself and then baru la boleh bincang2 dalam kumpulan bila dah abes baca semua. Anyway, I’ll try my best to participate fully in IRP. I just hope that all the struggle and usaha ni berbaloi in the end. And, aku pun stress tgk grup2 lain buat discussion malam2. Huhu.

Its true what people say, that as you grew older, the more difficulties that you’re gonna face in life. and lebih banyak jenis2 manusia yang kita akan jumpa. I have to say, that life in primary school, high school and college are totally different. At primary school, there are no stress. Just kids playing kejar2 during rehat and at class, study biase2 je. No stress. As we move on, in high school, specifically upper form, I was exposed with the term ‘stress’. Yes, stress dengan SPM. But thats all, nothing more. Then in college, the tension builds up. Stress with peer pressure, stress with study, stress with everything la. I just cant imagine how things are gonna be in the future. Anyway, I did mention that as we grew older, we’ll encounter different types of people. Berdasarkan pemerhatian aku bila waktu-waktu exam dah dekat, we’ll know who our friends are. And we’ll also know the type of people around us. Aku bukan tujukan kepada sesiapa, tp at times like this la aku jumpa macam2 bentuk orang. Ada orang yang suka simpan ilmu untuk dirinya sendiri, ada orang yang buat nota diam2 and taknak share, ada orang yang x kisah pasal sape2 pun, ada orang yang memilih specific people je untuk buat kawan, ada orang yang lupakan kawan lama bila dah dapat kawan baru, ada orang yang rajin and suka tolong kawan2 dia bila susah, ada orang yang depan cakap lain, belakang cakap lain. Ada jugak orang yang dalam diam2 membenci orang lain, ada orang yang sanggup menipu untuk kepentingan diri sendiri, ada orang yang suka buat sesuatu x ajak tp bila duduk depan2 dok cerita pasal benda yang dia buat. Ada orang yang suka diskriminasi orang lain. Senang cerita, macam2 orang la yang ada di dunia ini. Anda yang mana ? haha. Siapa makan cili, dialah yang terasa pedasnya.

I guess that is all for now. I just hope that I can be on the track again and gain motivation & inspiration. I need support from my friend, but i cant seem to find one. I need someone to talk to. Someone who can really understand. Someone who’s willing to become your friend for what you are truly are. Till now, I cant seem to find here in the college. Dont get me wrong. My friends here at college are superb and fun, but, as I said before, I’m still searching for the right one. May Allah guide me through my rough time and provide me a correct path that I can follow. Semoga terbuka hati aku ini untuk kembali seperti keadaan sedia kala.

-nukilan malam pertama IRP-

Mid-Sem Break : Of Books and Oven

            Guess what ? Its already March and just a few months away from May. And at the same time, its the mid-sem holiday. Of course, I know that most of my college-mates will definitely open their books during this break to study study study. I guess we're all in the same boat. In the meantime, since I'll be spending the whole break at home, so I've decided to do some checklist on things that I can do. And its BAKING. yes, baking. ever heard of it ? I know this may sound silly a guy baking cakes, cupcakes and brownies for his break. but hey, thats my hobby and i just loveeee cooking especially making cupcakes and cakes. haha. and at the same time, I can polish up my cooking skill. So here it goes, my to-bake list and hopefully, I can fulfill of of em'.

1. Red Velvet Cupcake with Cream Cheese Frosting
My favourite. I've tasted many version of it already at bakery shops and now it's time for my own version pulak. This one I'll definitely make cause I promise my classmates that I'm gonna bring it during class dinner

2. Red Velvet Cake with Cream Cheese Filling
Same as above, except that it is a cake, not cupcake. Perfect for birthdays and gatherings :)

3. Chocolate Cupcake with Peanut Butter Frosting
Totally temptatious with a lil bit of crunchiness in the frosting. Yummy. Insyaallah boleh buat

5. Peanut Butter Chocolate Brownies
Easy,simple and a wide variety of heaven-taste flavour. Yang ni pun boleh bawak gi jamuan kelas. yeahh

6. Chocolate Fudge Cupcake
Definitely for chocolate lovers. Air liur dah meleleh dah tgk ni. Ni pun perlu byk trial baru perfect. hehe

7. Rainbow Cake
I've once shown this to my classmate before and pernah ternampak budak kelas lain makan kek ni. Looks hard but nothing is impossible kan. Nk buat, tp kene hunt for ingredients nk buat dulu. hahaha. tgk la kalau rajin. haha

8. Beef Wellington
Anyone seen this before ? Dapat idea lepas tgk Masterchef America Season 1. Chef Ramsey punye recipe. haha. Basically its just roast beef yang disalut dengan pastry. Ala2 karipap daging bakar la kot. haha. Insyallah boleh buat kot minggu depan. haha.

9. Pavlova
Yeah. Dulu dah pernah buat. Tapi malangnya, lepas 30 minit letak bawah saji, semut datang. Habis rosak semua. So, this week gonna make a new one and hopefully semut x dtg. haha

So there you have it. My to-bake list. Hopefully dapat la buat semuanya during this 1 week holidays. And at the same time, jgn lupa untuk baca buku. haha. That all. Assalamualaikum ~

You

Yes you !
You bring out the best in me
You make me happy, joy
You make me laugh
Thats why I'm always by your side
And I hope you will stay with what you are doing
And always be happy with what you're doing
And always remember me.
Cos thats all I've ever wished for.

Perihal Awal Februari

Ok so here it goes. February was supposed to be a happy month for me. Why ? Cause by that time, all of the assignments required by IBO has been submitted. Yes, you name it, ToK essay, Extended Essay, Internal Assessment, Lab Reports and all those sort of things. It should be the beginning for me to revise back the syllabus for the previous semesters. And guess what, IB Final Exam is just around the corner. MAY. Just 90 days and below left. The FINAL exam. The exam that will determined whether me and my friends would either "fly" or not (nauzubillah).

Anyway, back to what I'm supposed to be writing. Perihal Awal Februari.
3 February 2012
3rd February was the college Academic Day. Sort of like Hari Jumpa Ibu-bapa lah if to be compared with sekolah menengah. Anyway, Academic Day boleh la dikira sebagai cuti jugak sebab not all of the students are required to go to class coz there ain't any class pun that day. Semua kelas kunci and the only thing yg bukak is the library if I'm not mistaken. Ok, so, bangun2 pagi je, bukak fb and twitter, tetibe terbaca wall post IUMC punye page ckp medic student kmb can check the interview outcome with the counsellor. Duppp. Habis darah menyirap satu badan ni. Jantung mula la berdegup kencang x henti2. Perasaan pun jadi tak tenang. Gerak sana-sini tak berhenti-henti. Ye la kan, siapa tak cuak kalau result placement dah nk keluar dalam masa beberapa jam je lagi.

Tepat jam 5.17 petang, aku refresh email kat Yahoo group ni and terkejut tgk result dh keluar. ade 2 email. satu email list name mereka yg berjaya and 1 lg email was for those who didn't got the offer. So, dengan lafaz bismillah, aku pun pergi la ke ruang tamu rumah dekat ngan papa and slowly tekan butang 'open mail'. Then, slowly la scroll kt list tuh untuk cari nama. keep on scrolling and scrolling and scrolling smpai la kt list nama waiting list. my reaction ? sedih. sedih sbb nama xde dalam list tuh. siap check email tu smpai 5 kali. reading each and every name untuk check kalau2 nama ade terselit dalam list tuh ke. but still, i was to no avail. x berjaya la nmpknya. x dpt offer IUMC :'(  Perasaan time tuh ? of coz la sedih. siapa x sedih kalau x dpt offer. Even time tuh papa pun dh prasan perubahan muka ni. then dgn beraninya, aku ni pun btao la papa and mama yg result IUMC dh kluar and I told them  I didn't make it. time tu x sanggup nk tgk muka dierang. sedih and kecewa.

Runsing, risau, gelisah, takut, malu, semua perasaan2 negatif wujud waktu tu. RUNSING. tu je perasaan yang asyik bermain-main di fikiran ni. Risau dengan future. risau dengan placement yang mmg uncertain.

But at the same time, I'm proud. Proud of my friends. Proud of them for getting IUMC. Great job. You guys are the best and definitely deserve it. But please remember, do pray for your friends yang x senasib dengan anda. And pray that they will be given another chance and get another offer.

Yesterday (4th February) was my sis engagement reception and with my unstable emotion at that time, I could not function properly. I'm afraid. Frankly speaking, I'm scared. Scared because lots of people are coming, and the same old question I was bombarded with "Bila fly ?", "Dapat negara mana ?", "Hows the interview that day ?". Crius man, dengan result yang menyedihkan baru kluar semalam, what do you expect me to say ? So my solution was to say "tak tahu lagi. kena tunggu result final exam baru tahu". I guess that was my only safe answer that I could ever think off at the moment.

Tak usah memerihalkan pasal menangis. Memang lumrah manusia kalau sedih and frust, mesti nangis. Dh berbaldi-baldi (hiperbola) menangis sampai mata pun dah kering x mampu nangis. Tapi bila fikir-fikir balik, tak guna tangisi perkara yang dah berlalu. Tambah lagi dengan dpt sms from friends suruh kuatkan semangat, sabar and all that stuff. I do admit, those words really do help. But this feeling of frust and sedih still ada. ntah la. aku pun jd clueless.

Reflection time. Mungkin setelah berhari-hari memikirkan ni, I questioned myself. Maybe Allah has a better plan for me. Mungkin ini ujian Allah kepada aku. Mungkin aku terlalu leka dengan duniawi sehingga mengabaikan tanggungjawab aku sebagai khalifah di muka bumi in. Munkin terlalu banyak berfoya-foya. And come to think of it, I did. Terlalu fikirkan hal duniawi smpai diri pun semakin jauh dengan Allah. Mungkin Allah berikan ujian ni sebagai peringatan kepada aku and Alhamdulillah, I finally realize. Mungkin sebelum ni byk sgt memerihalkan perihal org laen. Melihat keburukan lebih dari kebaikan. Insyaallah, I'll try my best to change. To become a better person. To become a person who respect people regardless of their status and most importantly, to be a better Muslim.

Finally, after having sleepless night and uncountable nightmares, I've finally decide untuk hilangkan semua perasaan2 negatif ni. It may take some time, but i'll try my best to remove it. So, dear friends, do help me aite and pray the best for all of us. Alhamdulillah kerana Allah telah pilih hamba yang lemah ini untuk diuji dengan ujian ni. Sesungguhnya, perasaan diuji ni memanglah sukar untuk ditangani tp I believe, dugaan2 inilah yang mematangkan kita dan buat kita lebih sayang kepada Allah.

I guess thats all for this post. Remember, never lose hope in Allah cause He's the one who knows the best for us. Dengan itu, I would like to end this entry with a petikan from Surah Al-Baqarah :

"Allah tidak memberati seseorang melainkan apa yang terdaya olehnya"

Ingatlah, jangan kita terlalu leka dengan hal duniawi smpaikan lupakan hal agama. Just a friendly reminder to myself and also others.

Selamat Tinggal IUMC, kalau ada jodoh bertemu lagi............